Wednesday - little relief?

Wednesday, 28.07.2004
Seems like it`s getting a little better. A hint of summer has come this morning - the sun shines, makes it a little warmer as yesterday und enables me to produce enough serotonine not to feel as bad as yesterday. Work is slightly more fun today.
Hope this is not only a little grain against the big grey rock of the other days. I wish I could have fun again...
Strange to be a biomechanic organism, dependent on external factors like small water drops between me and the sun. I don`t want to be a machine!

The new nihilism

EVERYTHING IS NOTHING is the place where I will try to put down general statements about being miserable - don`t even bother to check it out, haha...

Tuesday downsize

Tuesday, 27.07.2004
Weather is still not as it should be. Cloudy sky, low temperature, grey atmosphere...
Have to set up and try to think of any action that might fuel me despite of these negative conditions - something to look forward to, like a good meal, like getting drunk, like meeting someone...
But again, there is just coffee in here to raise my blood pressure which is near comatose. Life slowed down to an almost unrecognizable frequency...
I want summer, I want sun, I want warmth, I want laughter, I want life!!!!

Tuned down, turned out...

Monday, 26.07.04
Monday sucks anyway - weekend`s over, been to short, back to work...
Today`s even worse - cloudy and foggy weather, low temperature, rain, depressive atmosphere, pressing me down to earth, into the earth, makes me sink into the ground. Feeling pushed into the chair, unable to make conversation, unable to follow other`s thoughts, hanging on to mine which circle around warmth, the darkness and peace of sleep, eternal sleep. Getting tired and sleepy. Coffee won`t help it, doesn`t wake up, just makes nervous.
Sitting in the office, having to read through websites like dvd-player - it is the job to register those... counting the minutes until this day is over and I`m able to sink into dreams of a summer that hasn`t come yet and probably won`t come this year. Let`s see what tomorrow brings..