Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Internet dumbfools we are

Sometimes, when I surf around to see other blogs or sites, to get some inspiration, I feel so disgusted at sight of the misery that I see behind it. Loneliness, uncapability to communicate, unability to simply enjoy something, just the web existence... makes me sad... and I have to admit that somehow I`m no better... I`m also sitting here in front of a computer typing this text instead of lying on my bed with my wife, enjoying being together. Sad world that is. Life in a freezer.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

My war - finally!

Finally received BLACK FLAG`s "My war" on vinyl! After years of listening to it on a crappy tape copy with lots of noises and scratches I have it in modest quality. A must-have record. One of the few that one should own. An essential.
It is one of the most influental records of the 80s. So many later movements started with this record, so many style codes evolved from it, so many riffs got stolen from that one. Punk bands started growing hair after that. Hardcore bands dared listening to metal, tuning their guitars down, developing some chops. Tempo was allowed to be slowed down to some BLACK SABBATH extent.
At this moment, I`m stuck on the B-side, the start of nowaday`s grunge and sludge. Heavy blues with emotional, strapped down singing in top of it, droning evil. Depressing harmonies, dissonant guitar solos - a pure torture to listen to, but a damn good catharsis, too! I`m glad I have it! As said - an essential!

Friday, September 10, 2004


Sitting in front of the monitor, a Iiyama ProLite E431SIiyama ProLite E431S. Been drunk yesterday evening, which means I`m not too well today anyway. Been caught riding my bike - drunk and crossing a red traffic light... have see how much they are goint to charge me...
Sitting there staring at the square field in front of me, focussing some point beyond it all. Suddenly it seems like the display is moving around me, leeches me, sucks me, and finally swallows me. Swallowed into a computer. My material being dissolves. My body deforms. I feel like I have to go home soon and take a deep sleep...

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Hollow thoughts

Sitting there, staring at a white wall in front of me (above the monitor), no precise thoughts possible. Empty skull. Empty head. Empty brain. Empty me. Empty. Shallow. Hollow.
No ups, no downs today, just a steady boring ongoing. Nothing in particular. Just it. It.
Does it mean I am becoming an ordinary citizen? Don`t want that. I don`t want to become that dull. Not without reason. I don`t want this kind of steadyness. I don`t want to lose kicks.
>(Gotta get some action) NOW!

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Understand we`re fighting a war that we can`t win

Been asked if I was a "c-striker". At first I didn`t know what it was at all. Then - of course, the game Counter Strike - if I was playing this kind of computer game. Well, nope.
I`m playing my music half seriously, I`m corresponding to some people that I like (not too many, but enough to keep me busy...), I like to read, not at last I like spending time with my girlfriend (bride soon!) - no time left to sink into virtual reality shootings.
Besides, my life already feels like being under fire constantly. Mobbing, harrassment, stressing, yelling, all that shit - I donĀ“t need more of this. I`m glad to have discovered some things that are out of an atmosphere of constant struggle. No counter striker.

Monday, September 06, 2004

End of the summer again

So lovely warm outside. Makes me wish to sit somewhere on the lake, in the sun, swimming from time to time, but mainly enjoying the sunbeams on my skin. Instead I have to work inside the office... next time I meet God I will tell him not to create anything like work again!!!
Looking forward to go out tonight, seeing a concert, drinking a bit, and all in the resting warmth of a late summer`s evening. Looking forward so much...
My babe has got a notebook since three days. None of us knows how to use it really. Need a driver and some software. Smells like work again. Work, work, work...who needs it?

Friday, September 03, 2004

Hope is just a four letter word

Still friendly warm vampire sun - inviting to sit in the evening, have a few beers, smoke something and enjoy some good tunes. HAWKWIND come to my mind. Space rituals, journeys to strange points in and outside, weird imaginations, ecstacy... or maybe KYUSS - down to the ground droning guitars, no trembles, just bass, the perfect sound to watch the sun die on the horizon. The moment of the day to come to peace with oneself, to accept the irrelevance of the own existence, to let it all go and flow... or rise high... whatever. Hope to keep up a bit of this feeling for next week. But then again, hope is just...
It`s weekend now, again. Feels good! Have nice time, you all. (Whoever reads this - nobody, I assume... cheers!)